yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
