He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
