Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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