somebody snuck up and got me drunk
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize