Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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