Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
