i don't like sucking hair
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
