my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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