I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
