So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
