I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
