you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
