guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
