I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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