Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize