So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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