You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
