Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
