The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize