Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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