Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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