You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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