garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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