____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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