he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
