it's too hot outside to masturbate.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
