I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
