just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
