$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
