Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize