I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
