I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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