Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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