I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
