carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
