Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
