you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize