Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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