so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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