I think scott just propositioned me for sex
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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