Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
