True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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