and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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