she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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