When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
