So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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