Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I am naked and annoyed.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
