I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
