he wants to bone in the snuggie
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
