What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
