So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
where are you?
Hypothermia
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
