I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
