She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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