Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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