I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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