Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
