I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
