you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
