Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
