I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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