I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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