Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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