That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Michael Bay diarrhea
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
