I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
