Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
