How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize