So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
