im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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