Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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