this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
