Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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