Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
