i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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