id be glad to
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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