He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
