Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Found your dick twin last night
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My liver just had a heart attack.
Alive.
So much puke
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
