dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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