When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
