I just cut my nipple shaving
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
